Seriously Disturbing Moments In G-Rated Movies

If you haven’t seen We’re Back, there’s a good chance you won’t believe us when we describe the plot. If you have seen it, you’ll be relieved to know that it’s a movie that actually does exist and isn’t just some fever dream that you had while jacked up on NyQuil and peyote.

The basics are as follows: after kidnapping a bunch of dinosaurs from prehistoric times, a space weirdo named Captain Neweyes gives them Brain Grain, which makes them smart and friendly, and, in the case of a T. rex named Rex, gives him the melodic singing voice of John Goodman. He does this so that he can give modern-day kids the chance to meet real dinosaurs. Unfortunately, he has a twin brother named Professor Screweyes — one of his eyes is a literal screw that’s been driven into his face that he uses to hypnotize people and dinosaurs — who wants to steal the dinosaurs, revert them back to jurassic savagery, and put them in a circus so he can terrify his customers. This is, for the record, a way worse business plan than just giving live dinosaurs to a natural history museum.

There’s some other stuff going on, too, like a couple kids with hilariously thick Noo Yawk accents who get turned into chimpanzees at one point, but for a movie about singing, dancing dinosaurs, the part where Rex devolves into savagery and almost eats a crowd of people who are trampling each other in a panic as they try to escape is certainly the most disturbing. Wait, no, strike that. It’s the second most disturbing, right after Rex’s musical number about how much he wants to eat the ’90s.

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