I lose years of life, but you are going to die

Last week I told my adventures as a pirate in Minecraft. A few hours after the experiential was published, a friend wrote to tell me that it was time to narrate an epic deed, who was tired of reading “friendly” stories “free of real dangers”. I took it as an offense and told him to give me a challenge for this week.

“Kill the Ender dragon,” he told me. “I help you get to him, but then you have to kill him alone.” Not happy with it, he put a condition on me: “You only have one attempt and that is the one you have to count next week.” My friend is pure evil. Everything is for the spectacle of these experiences.

My epic fight against the Ender dragon has taken years off my life

The first thing I did when accepting this challenge is a list with everything you need to get to the End dimension. When I was clear about everything I needed, I watched several videos to memorize the whole process to reach the End and face the Ender dragon. Also, I reviewed the guide I made on VidaExtra on how to beat him. The theory was clear, so I got down to work.

Getting to the End turned out to be a long road. more complicated than i imagined and I admit that I would not have arrived without the help of my friend. “The most complicated thing is to get there, then you overcome it easily”, he told me to reassure me. Liebecause the content creators I had seen were not exactly relaxed during the fight against the Ender dragon.

It took us a couple of sessions of several hours to prepare the endgate. I’m not going to lie to you: my friend put more hours into the preparations than I did, because the guides in VidaExtra don’t do themselves. You have to work to earn your bread! In addition, on Tuesday I had a very strong migraine that left me out of action for the whole day.

end portal

On Wednesday we already had everything ready for my foray into the End dimension: food, enchanted armor, sword, tools, enchanted bow, shield, buckets of water to stop falls… Why wait for Thursday? So on Wednesday night I faced the Ender dragon.

I am the real Dovahkiin, this purple flying lizard has nothing to do with me

It didn’t take me too long to find my way around the End to find the Ender dragon. There he was, perched on the great pillar and surrounded by a circle of pillars. So I started to mentally review all the steps I had to give to kill him in pure Sherlock Holmes style (Robert Downey Jr.):

  • First step: remove the cubes that are on the pillars. Prevent him from recovering life.
  • Avoid his ranged attacks. Use the buckets of water to quickly get down from the pillars.
  • Avoid the Endermands. Always in movement.
  • Shoot arrows. Calculate the fall and correct the shot to hit while flying.
  • Use the sword when attacking on the ground. Keep moving until you kill him.
  • Diagnosis? Ender dead dragon. Zero chance of recovery.

ender dragon fight

The plan was perfect. The execution is quickly summarized: me hysterical running from one side to another, hitting voices at so many of the night, while my friend laughed out loud. “I’m going to die! I’m going to die!” he would yell every time he threw me off a pillar. The only thing missing was the Benny Hill song in the background.

Never has such an epic fight been so ridiculous.

I managed to finish off the pillar cubes by a miracle, so the Ender dragon could no longer recover life. It was the only moment of serenity between hysteria and laughter.

The life of both was decreasing as the combat progressed: my arrows and sword diminished theirs and their attacks made my hearts drop. I ran out of cures for lack of a finger of life from the Ender dragon.

Enderdragon Fight 2

The fight was worthy of any Elden Ring boss: a couple of taps from the Ender dragon and a tap from me. I no longer screamed or laughed. I haven’t remembered being this nervous playing a video game since my time on Rainbow Six Siege. He really could kill him on the first try!

In the last few seconds of the fight, the Ender Dragon perched on the central pillar and I started swinging my sword at it. He had few touches left and… morYo. I just exploded. I imagine he did some attack and I didn’t see the animation. I was so blinded by craving I didn’t even get the shield out.

I remember perfectly that seconds after dying my eyes clouded with anger. The effort not to scream in rage was herculean… and it didn’t help that my friend was freaking out. He had lost years of life trying to kill the Ender dragon only to die within a few touches.

Thanks to GTA Online I have felt the old GTA San Andreas: I went to pay my respects at a funeral and ended up stealing cocaine

I am not going to reproduce here all the toxic poison that I pronounced in the following minutes. My hatred towards Minecraft was so intense that Anakin Skywalker in Episode III: Revenge of the Sith stays in little sister of charity. I needed a cold ColaCao and a bit of conversation with my friend to calm down.

“Well, at least you’ve got one epic experience left,” my friend told me. “You have plenty of material for the article,” he continued in an attempt to comfort me. After several friendly insults, the only thing I could say to him was “And what we have laughed, what?” Well that… I’ll come back and you’ll die, Ender dragon. I hate you, Minecraft.

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